HUMOUR

A man from Chicago won a hundred thousand dollars in a weekend's gambling in Las Vegas, flew home, arriving at 3 a.m., made a deep hole in his backyard and buried the money there. Next morning, he went out and found the hole empty, and the money missing. Footsteps led from the hole to the house next door, where a deaf-mute lived.

Enraged, the man rushed to the house of a professor, who was qualified in the sign language of the deaf-mute and knew the man next door. He dragged the professor to the neighbour's house, held a gun against the head of the deaf-mute, then said to the professor: `You tell this guy that if he does not return my hundred thousand dollars, I am shooting him.'

The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and the friend replied in sign language: `Tell him not to shoot me. I have hidden the money under the cherry tree.' The professor turned to the man with the gun and said, `He's not going to tell you. He says he'd rather die.'

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A panda walked into a restaurant and ordered a sandwich and a drink. When he finished, he pulled out a pistol and shot up the place, scaring customers and breaking dishes, glasses and liquor bottles before turning to leave.

Shocked, the manager said, `Hey, what are you doing?'

The Panda glanced back over his shoulder and said, `I'm a panda - look it up,' before disappearing through the door. The bartender pulled out a dictionary and thumbed through it until he found an entry for Panda. The definition read, `A tree dwelling animal of Asian origin characterized by distinct black-and-white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.'

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July-September, 2012