CORRUPTION - A SATIRE

Sudhish Pachauri

Corruption is much sought after these days, it's getting big, bigger. And ever since the media has expanded, techniques of detecting and relating corruption too have become unique. The more it becomes news, the more popular corruption seems to get. The more monumental the corruption, the bigger hit it becomes. The media perhaps uncovers corruption in the hope that it will show people the mirror, shame them. But quite the opposite is happening. It is as if people are saying, did you see how cleverly he fooled everyone? Enough to feed seven generations in one shot! What a man!

When Telgi grew fat on fraud, people were happy instead of getting angry. Someone had the talent to make an illegal profit industry flourish right under the nose of the government and the judiciary! Before Telgi, there was Harsh Mehta. Oh, what chlutzpah the man had! A little trick in the book and he made millions. I have a sense people do not tell our survey agencies the truth. They come on television and say corruption is wrong, they talk of honesty in the public domain. But there is corruption in every aspect, every hue of our daily lives. I would say corruption runs our lives and people know that very well.

Like God, corruption is omnipresent, our two-in-one Brahma. It is tactile as well as ethereal, it floats among us like magical realism. In magical realism, you often lose distinctions between truth and myth. When Krishna performed his rasleela, he would be with countless gopis at the same time or merely give them the false sense of being there whereas he was elsewhere. Quite the same with corruption. Everybody knows it is everywhere but nobody will tell you.

Corruption is the most unadulterated form of pure Indian culture. It didn't happen yesterday, it's been around for 5000 years, so old we do not even realize there's something wrong with it. For us, actually, it is the sixth facet of the five eternal elements, attached to us the moment we are born. The relationship between devotee and God itself is a corrupt relationship. Devotees can take a little time-out before their sentiments get inflamed and stop to ponder whether their daily chores of aartis and donations et al do not amount to bribery. You fling a five paisa coin, seek heaven in turn and you call it bhakti! Prasad is nothing but a bribe. The gods are never going to eat it, the pandits do. When have guarantees of residence in heaven been available from pandits and popes without such bribes? Corruption hasn't even spared the gods, or perhaps this too is part of some divine scheme!

There is a high spiritual theory about this corruption thing: this world is mere unreal, the only thing pure and real is the Almighty and we are all part of Him. But what happens is that the moment we are jettisoned and sent to earth, we get utterly embroiled in worldly sins-envy, sloth, lust, greed. All your life your spirit must fight the demands of the corrupt body. Which is why if everybody appears a thief, it should come as no surprise. This is popular culture. Grabbing your neighbour's piece of land or shop, fiddling accounts, looking for underhand money, accumulating more wealth than you ought to be, demanding money to ask questions in Parliament, charging fees for commitment. all this is pop culture, intellectuals will not understand this. Which is why the more they look for corruption, the more they find it, the more aghast they are.

Kabir spoke pointedly of the vice-grip of earthly-unearthly greed. It hasn't spared anyone, not even Brahma, Vishnu, Mahesh, the Great Trinity. Greed is everywhere, omnipresent, like God. So who the hell is going to wipe it out if the gods can't? Hah, impossible. We have to live with it, this intrinsic part of our culture that has its own set of rules.

Rule Number One: those who are caught taking bribes get away by giving bribes.

Rule Number Two: there is no one more honest than the corrupt man. If your work is not done, a money-back policy applies. Test it if you want to.

Rule Number Three: those that get caught are corrupt. Those who get away are corrupt too but they are not called that. Meaning, there are two accounts in corruption too, one that is over-ground, another that is underground

Rule Number Four: this world goes on because of the corrupt. The honest cannot keep it going even for a day. Corruption is the fuel on which society moves.

An economist who went on to win the Nobel has famously said that there is no free lunch in capitalism. So earn you will have to for that lunch, by hook or by crook. He was actually saying the same thing as Kabir. Capitalism is actually the systematic form of corruption. The rich cheat people, earn millions, those millions are called profits. But that is what is corruption. What they should have actually given to workers, the rich have pocketed for themselves. How is capitalism possible if there is no corruption!

In poor countries, corruption is a form of saying. People accumulate money and set up a factory. They retire and set up a business, become bourgeois. The meaning of bourgeols is corrupt. Capitalism hasn't blessed us entirely quite yet, it's fifty-fity. Fifty percent feudalism, fifty percent capitalism. And in this alchemy is alloyed fulsome amounts of corruption. Everyone is envious of the guy who took his opportunities, exploited things and moved ahead in life. And you are still wondering why you've been left behind scratching pen on paper. Look at how inspiring corruption can be, it is what makes you upwardly mobile.

There are two kinds of corrupt people. One, who indulge in corruption themselves, the others who project it. Corruption can be made an entire discipline, tomes can be written on it. It can be taught. In Kamasutra, thievery and gambling are counted among the 64 great talents. Perhaps that is why our ancestors seem wiser to us. Bribery ad a huge role to play in Chanakyka's Arthashastra. Sometimes you can discern a difference of opinion over corruption between intellectuals and the common man. Intellectuals think corruption should be removed and if they talk about it the common man will help them fight it. Such intellectuals are slothful people. They earn nothing, they only lose. Even their children end up cursing them. Most revolutionaries people like this. There is another kind that puts grand theories on the roots land existence of corruption and expound on it at large . You'll find them on Page Three. But the experience of people is different. They know that every investigation, every media exposure only pushes up the rate of those who are corrupt. I know people these days are serious about the need to erase corruption. Parliament is involved. The courts are seized of it. This is not the first time it is happening, it's happened before. And nothing happens. Because corruption is popular culture. Accept it. You can only finish it if you finish yourself, not otherwise. Yes, if you fix the rates for every job that needs to get done perhaps you will be getting somewhere. And there will come a day when rates will have to be fixed.

(Courtesy: Tehelka dated 11.2.2006)