Humour

At the end of a job interview, the human resources director asked the new MBA graduate what salary he would expect if he were hired. The candidate responded confidently, `In the neighbourhood of one lakh rupees per month, depending on the benefits package.'

The human resources director replied, `What would you say to a benefits package of five paid weeks of vacation, fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental, a retirement fund with a fifty percent company match, and a company car-say a BMW.'

The new MBA sat up, mouth agape, and said, `Are you kidding?'

`Of course,' the director replied. `But you started it!'

•••••••••

A pop guitarist living in a small apartment was rehearsing one night when he heard his new next door neighbor pounding on the wall. He turned down the amplifier, but still the pounding continued. Hoping to establish a friendly relationship, he stopped playing, walked over to her door and rang the bell so that he could apologize.

`Oh, I'm so very sorry,' she said, looking frazzled as she opened her door and saw him standing there. `I only have one more picture to hang.'

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The six fraternity men came weaving out of the off-campus gin mill and started to crowd themselves into the little Volkswagen for the rollicking ride back home. One of them, obviously the house president, took charge of the situation.

`Herbie,' he said, `You drive. You're too drunk to sing.'

•••••••••

The teenage grandson was eager to get his first summer job at a bicycle rental shop. During his interview, he was asked, `How are you at handling irate customers?'

`I haven't had experience with irate customers,' he replied, `but I'm pretty good with irate parents.'

He got the job.

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Harry constantly irritated his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, `It could have been worse.'

To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even Harry could find no hope in it. Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said, `Harry! Did you hear what happened to George? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, then turned the gun on himself!'

`Terrible,' said Harry. `But it could have been worse.'

`How in hell,' asked his dumbfounded friend, `could it possibly have been worse?'

`Well,' said Harry, `if it had happened the night before, I'd be dead now.'

•••••••••

The cute and efficient young maid seemed to enjoy her work until one day, without warning, she gave notice.

`Why do you wish to leave?' the lady of the house asked her. `Is there anything wrong?'

`I just can't stand the suspense in this house a minute more,' the maid replied.

`Suspense,' said the confused mistress, `What do you mean?'

`It's the sign over my bed,' the girl explained. `You know, the one that says: WATCH YE, FOR YE KNOW NOT WHEN THE MASTER COMETH.'