HUMOUR

A couple hired a new chauffeur. The Memsahib asked him to take her out for shopping and was very shaken by the experience. Back home she pleaded with her husband, `Please dear, you must sack this new chauffeur at once. He drives so rashly, he nearly killed me three times this morning.'

`Darling, don't be so hasty,' replied the husband, `give him one more chance.'

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One of our favorite bartenders told us about a very proper Englishman who came into his place a couple of weeks ago. The fellow sat down at the bar, but didn't order. `The bartender, an unusually friendly guy, asked him if he could fix him a drink, on the house.

The Englishman shook his head. `Tried liquor once,' he said. `Didn't like it.'

The bartender then offered the Englishman a cigarette.

`No, thank you,' he said. `Tried tobacco once. Didn't like it.'

Still trying to be friendly, the bartender asked the Englishman if he would like to join a couple of friends seated at the bar in a few hands of poker.

The Englishman shook his head. `Tried gambling once. Didn't like it. I wouldn't be

sitting in this place at all, but I promised my son I would meet him here.'

`I see,' said the bartender. `Your only child, I assume.'

.........................

One jogger, huffing and puffing, to another: `The doctor told me jogging would add years to my life, and he certainly was right. I feel ten years older already.'

•••••••••

The judge addresses the man in the courtroom: `Don't you feel ashamed, coming here for the third time?'

The man replies: `I'm here for the third time, but you come here every day!'

•••••••••

My wife asked me to post a letter at the railway station. `Please don't forget,' she said. `It's important.' But I did forget, and was walking out of the station when a man tapped me on the shoulder. `Remember the letter,' he said.

As I made my way to the nearest mailbox, another man called after me: `Don't forget the letter'. But how on earth could these strangers know I was supposed to post a letter? When a third person reminded me, I blurted out: `How do you know about it? And to set your mind at rest, I've just posted it.'

`In that case,' the stranger said, smiling, `we may safely remove the label pinned to your back.'

The label read: `Remind him to post that letter!'

•••••••••

When a new manager took over the department, he called a meeting of all the staff. `What I want,' he said, `is extra effort from everyone. So let's get it together and see if we can increase productivity.'

A few months later, the Superintendent received two memos from members of staff requesting maternity leaves and passed them on to the boss.

•••••••••

The transferred clergyman was being praised by members of his congregation.

One woman told him: `you're wonderful! I never knew what sin was till you came here.'